Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Well, the holidays are nearly upon us.  That's right- it is, once again, that magical time of year when I lock my door and turn out the lights and pray more than ever to be left alone, goddamnit. 

Least favorite holiday: Christmas.  It's a pointless holiday unless you're under the age of ten.

Next on the list: Thanksgiving.  I cannot be persuaded to find anything appealing about this holiday.  I don't really like any of the traditional food, don't care about football, and I'd much rather complain than give thanks (just like everybody else, it seems).  If anyone asks me what I'm thankful for, I'm going to say abortions and see how many gasps I can get out of the room. 

I enjoy other people enjoying the holidays.  I don't want to take joy away from others- I just want them to keep the joy to themselves and not try to infect me with it.  I honestly even like giving; it just seems ridiculous, however, when you take into account how much people are given throughout the year, especially from themselves.  There's no joy in shoving past people in a crowded mall, looking for one of fifty or so gifts that someone has put on a list and handed out to every friend and relative they have.  You know what's on my Christmas list?  Every single year I ask for AA batteries.  AA batteries are good to have around, you know?  Remotes, flashlights, etc.  Batteries!

I'll be in Georgia for Thanksgiving.  It kind of sucks, but it was the only way I could get the maximum time off from work in order to make the rounds with all my family scattered across the state.  Unfortunately, now that I live in Maryland, I will receive a guilt trip about the fact that I live so far away and should spend more time with family because I never get to see them, blah blah blah, and it will make it very hard to escape these people.

I won't be home for Christmas- I'll just be sitting in my apartment with my cat, eating Chinese food and drinking cheap champagne, hopefully.  I am perfectly okay with this, although my family will probably weep about it for weeks. 

Here's the thing: I appreciate my family because I live so far away.  I appreciate living far away because of my family.

Anyway.  The moral of the story is...batteries.  Stock up, people.

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