Tuesday, November 30, 2010



There is someone in my other class...let's call them Person.  Person is really annoying.  I want to punch them in the throat.  Seriously.

The irritating thing about Person is that they are so blatantly desperate to be included in a circle of friends who, frankly, don't want anything to do with Person.  But Person doesn't get it.  And don't get me wrong- I'm not saying that I don't like Person because they want to be included and liked.  Everyone has those feelings, of course.  We all want to belong somewhere and have friends, etc.  My problem with Person is that they have no goddamn dignity.  I mean, come on.  Person is older than me and yet doesn't seem to have developed any sense of self-respect throughout their life.  Call me a bitch, but I think this is abso-fucking-lutely pathetic.

This is what I deal with in that class:  Person hard-core staring at me and my friends during class.  Person eavesdropping on our hushed conversations and inviting themselves to come along with us if we make plans.  Person laughing at jokes they cannot possibly understand, which then brings on awkward silences.

And I mean...it's gotten to the point where myself and a friend are actively trying not to talk to Person or make eye-contact or include them in our lives at all.  And I know that's mean, but what pisses me off is that Person persists for fuck's sake!  If people are having a conversation and they clearly don't want me to hear it, I would never just start talking with them or laughing at their inside jokes. If people are being assholes to me, I fucking ignore them and pretend I don't give a shit about them, even if my wittle ol' feewings are hurt.  If someone doesn't want to be your friend, make other friends.

La la la la, I am a jerk.

Honestly, though, it's not that I don't like Person necessarily.  They have redeeming qualities.  I just wish they wouldn't act like this, because it's such a big turn-off.  If Person could just interact with people like an adult, we'd get along like Jack and Coke.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I find the concept behind The Human Centipede very disturbing.  I refuse to see this movie.  The preview alone revolts me.  I'm not sure what it is about the film that creeps me out so much, but never has a movie (or the idea of a movie, I guess) gotten under my skin like this.  Why?  Why was this movie even made?  Just...what the fuck, man?  I would include a picture of the poster, but even that freaks me out.

No.  No, thank you.


I boarded my cat at the vet while I was away.  I just retrieved her, and she has already clawed me half to death.  Ah, there's nothing like a pet's unconditional love...

She is much larger and more terrifying than she looks in this picture.


Being home for a while was nice.  I haven't really spent a significant amount of time in my hometown since March.  And of course everything was different and everything was the same. 

During Thanksgiving dinner, my uncle politely reminded me that my biological clock is ticking.  Everyone talked about Jesus a lot.  The older people started talking about all their ailments and the medications they're on. 

My dad used double-sided tape to stick a fake piece of shit to the side of the toilet bowl, then laughed as people tried to flush it out of disgust and panic.

My nephew and I watched Toy Story 3, then I listened to him sing "You've Got a Poot in Me," which I'm sure Disney wishes they had used instead of Randy Newman's version. 

Overall, not bad. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Football Season Is Over.

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


"But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable... The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different from anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

- Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live


The death of my childhood pet has me feeling old and weary.

Did something break? 

She was a good dog.

Friday, November 12, 2010


Ranked by actual performance, how much I like the band, and how good of a time I had overall:

1.) Robert Plant & the Strange Sensation (just because it's Robert fucking Plant.  He could have done anything up there and I'd still put him at the top of the list)

2.) Damien Rice (dear Jesus, I can't even describe the awesomeness)

3.) Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, opening band Crosby, Stills, & Nash (a rare moment when the opening act nearly stole the headliner's thunder)

3.) Aerosmith, opening band ZZ Top (Steven Tyler looked a little weary, but this was another instance of an opener that I would have paid to see alone)

4.) Rufus Wainwright, opening performer Martha Wainwright (two Wainwrights, holy shit.  But Rufus was being way too much of a diva)

5.) Aerosmith, opening performer Lenny Kravitz (ranked below the other concert because, although Aerosmith's performance was much more energetic, the opening act wasn't great. Also, tall people were in front of me and no stadium seating)

6.) Bob Dylan (I couldn't understand him at all, but he wore a purple sequined suit so he still gets a thumbs-up)

7.) Wolf Parade (only at the bottom because I wasn't as familiar with their music as I am now, but I'm a huge fan of these guys)

8.) Of Montreal (excellent shows, too many hipsters)

9.) Stereophonics, opening band Augustana (who knew Augustana would be more famous? Just don't remember much of this one.  Met Kelly Jones, but he seemed irritated.  Still, he was pretty...)

10.) Brooks & Dunn (I didn't know who they were.  Also, they threw drumsticks into the audience.  Nice gesture, but not the best things to hurl in the direction of people's faces)

Still determined to see:

Elton John
The Rolling Stones
and of course I'm holding out for that Zeppelin reunion...

Can anyone guess who I saw at my very first concert?  Hint: I was 14.  I have only told about 3 people of this concert, and am now deeply ashamed that I attended.  Guess right and you get a prize...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Well, the holidays are nearly upon us.  That's right- it is, once again, that magical time of year when I lock my door and turn out the lights and pray more than ever to be left alone, goddamnit. 

Least favorite holiday: Christmas.  It's a pointless holiday unless you're under the age of ten.

Next on the list: Thanksgiving.  I cannot be persuaded to find anything appealing about this holiday.  I don't really like any of the traditional food, don't care about football, and I'd much rather complain than give thanks (just like everybody else, it seems).  If anyone asks me what I'm thankful for, I'm going to say abortions and see how many gasps I can get out of the room. 

I enjoy other people enjoying the holidays.  I don't want to take joy away from others- I just want them to keep the joy to themselves and not try to infect me with it.  I honestly even like giving; it just seems ridiculous, however, when you take into account how much people are given throughout the year, especially from themselves.  There's no joy in shoving past people in a crowded mall, looking for one of fifty or so gifts that someone has put on a list and handed out to every friend and relative they have.  You know what's on my Christmas list?  Every single year I ask for AA batteries.  AA batteries are good to have around, you know?  Remotes, flashlights, etc.  Batteries!

I'll be in Georgia for Thanksgiving.  It kind of sucks, but it was the only way I could get the maximum time off from work in order to make the rounds with all my family scattered across the state.  Unfortunately, now that I live in Maryland, I will receive a guilt trip about the fact that I live so far away and should spend more time with family because I never get to see them, blah blah blah, and it will make it very hard to escape these people.

I won't be home for Christmas- I'll just be sitting in my apartment with my cat, eating Chinese food and drinking cheap champagne, hopefully.  I am perfectly okay with this, although my family will probably weep about it for weeks. 

Here's the thing: I appreciate my family because I live so far away.  I appreciate living far away because of my family.

Anyway.  The moral of the story is...batteries.  Stock up, people.


On the way to Georgia, my friend Tykia began reading aloud from an article in Glamour.  An absolutely infuriating article, I must say.

This article featured a woman who sued her ex-boyfriend for giving her HPV.  And she fucking won.  It's idiotic.  First of all, I equate this with people who sue cigarette companies because they got cancer.  Everyone is aware by now of the risks involved when having unprotected sex, and I doubt you can watch more than an hour of television without seeing a PSA about HPV.  Second, the woman actually stated that she saw lesions on the guy's penis.  And she didn't say anything.  What the fucking fuck? 

So, anyway...I just think this is one of those things that makes all women look like moronic twats.  It's a step backwards for the gender.  This dumbass kept referring to herself as a "strong woman", etc., but I think she's a lunatic.  The fact that the editors at Glamour thought that this woman's story was a.) worth printing at all and b.) something that other women would find inspiring or whatever is beyond frustrating.


Thursday, November 4, 2010


Leaving bright and early tomorrow for Georgia.  I can't honestly say I'm looking forward to this wedding.  I don't believe in marriage and I don't believe in acting like I'm the best of friends with people I haven't spoken to in over a year.  If I could, I'd get down there and then come up with some excuse about why I couldn't make it to the ceremony.  Then I'd just hang out with my dad and my nephew and my best friend who's coming along with me.  And I would do lame Macon things like...nothing.  There's nothing to do in Macon.  But it would be great. 

But I'll go to the wedding, because I said I would. 

Buford Trimble and Montgomery Honeysickle shall have a marvelous journey.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010



It was a bad goodbye.

Ran out of excuses to send you an email.

Erased your phone number.

You weren't very perceptive.

I'm not very open.

Everywhere I go, I look for red cars.

Where was the paint on your shoes from?


My memory's not as bad as I thought.